Thursday, November 3, 2011

WIPE YOURSELF OFF, YOU'RE BLEEDING

What the hell is going on with the weather lately? I was left totally unprepared last week when I noticed the first snowflake fall from the sky. Usually when it comes to the weather I am never unprepared. Guys started to call me "the weather man" during this season for my obsession with weather.com. If there was rain in the forecast, I was the guy to come to for the precipitation details of that night's game. I don't know what it is, but I have a strange obsession with looking at maps and trying to figure out what's going to happen. I guess it's the geek in me.

Anyways, for some reason I hadn't checked the weather in a few days and had no idea that on October 29 there was a foot of snow in the forecast. Since we just moved into a new house I have no snow blower, no shovels, or anything capable of picking up snow. Hell, we don't even have furniture, so I guess it's no surprise we aren't prepared for a massive snowstorm. On our way home from furniture shopping (see, we are trying!) we drove as fast as we could to some local hardware stores to only find they had closed early because of the weather. I was screwed.

As I arrived home and sat in my living room watching the snow fall, I decided we weren't going to be the new kids in the neighborhood that let our driveway go to shit. I was going to find a way to stay ahead of the storm and clear that damn driveway. I looked around the house for ideas. After a few minutes of pondering, I came up with what I thought was a genius plan. I took a broom stick, a dust pan, and Laura's hair elastic (what do you know, we have no tape in this house either) and constructed what I thought was the worlds best shovel.  I would find out in about five minutes that it was a total piece of shit, but that didn't stop me from rushing outside to show off my newly constructed product.

I felt great after scooping my first few bits of snow. I knew it was going to take me a few hours to get the job done, but my new invention made me feel so smart I really didn't care about time. About five or six scoops into the process my dust pan had enough and decided to inform me that it was made to pick up @#$%ING DUST and not wet, heavy snow. It had snapped into two extremely jagged edged pieces, one of which made its way straight into my hand. As I let out a loud scream, I swear I heard the thing say, "that'll teach this dumb bastard." It sent me running into the house and up the stairs yelling at Laura to grab me some band-aids and a first aid kit. Serves me right I guess. No more inventions for me.

12 comments:

  1. Did you actually have a first aid kit?

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  2. Somebody should have  a    New House Warming Party  for you guy's . Make a list of things you need like      duct tape a shovel 2 flashlights w/batteries some  candles & matches  a couple of bags of that  ice- melt  stuff  a manual can opener  a  small radio  w/ batteries in it   2   foldings tv  tables   w/2  folding chairs  etc.   just incase someone has a party. You could also have a   Welcome to our New  House  Party. You got to do something  before you kill yourself    .   Hey its   an idea     I'm just  say-nnnnnnnnnnn                             

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  3. Wait..first let me start off by saying hahahahahahahaha HA! This whole damn thing had me laughing. Hope your dust pan stab wound is feeling better though and seriously, I give you props. You invention didn't work but it was still a wicked legit try and pretty damn creative. That took some brains to think of that one. Don't give up on the inventions yet! And dude, no tape? How is that possible. Duct tape fixes everything and makes everything ok. Always have to have some. I kicked my fridge shut yesterday and a shelf broke and fell...got out the duct tape and that bitch is like brand new (kinda). Granted I also fixed a small hole in the wall with neon green play doh so maybe I'm not one to take advice from.

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  4. Bet u wish u had ure trainer there..

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  5. Haha Laura bought those not me lol...she is much more prepared for stuff than I am

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  6. Hahaha what's up Yama!

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  7. That is a very good idea lol!!

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  8. Well I appreciate that! I thought it was pretty creative as well. And I will be sure to buy some duct-tape!

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  9. No, but I thought it added to the story haha

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  10. I am so confused, I know you had a house - I've seen the walking on water video, 16 feet of snow outside it last year, where did all the stuff in that house go?  My theory is, you leased everything or my favorite -
     
    You burned it down and walked away from it in flames, in slow-motion hollywood style!
    @ac83896cf3af794f9dd4f7709fefa04f 
    I think you were just a hot glue gun and some forks, spoon and knife away from making the perfect shovel...

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  11. OWWWWW! That had to be the worst feeling!

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