Monday, November 2, 2009


Turtle is a friend of mine that I have known since I was about ten years old. He has been one of my cousin Mike's best friends since we were all young kids. I grew up playing baseball and hockey with Turtle throughout our childhood, and being close with my cousin, the three of us were together a good amount. Turtle is really one of the nicest and sincere kids you will ever meet, but sometimes he will unleash a series of comments that will leave you shaking your head, as well as burst out laughing. It's like the engines running, but there's nobody behind the wheel. So with this I've decided to dedicate a section once a week to commemorate some of Turtle's great words of wisdom. So sit back, relax, and learn something.

Yesterday, Turtle found his fantasy football team fighting to stay in playoff contention, as the season quickly approaches the half way point of the year. As he looked at his roster his gut told him he had to make a change. He decided he needed to perform a trade in an attempt to make a push for the playoffs. He sat down at his desk and went to work, scrolling feverishly through all of his buddies teams before his eyes locked on a single name...Drew Brees. Turtle's head perked up. This was it, the single player that would take Turtle's team to the mountain top. So, in an attempt to honor the great Mike Ditka, Turtle unloaded half his team for a single player. Championship!

The next day, my cousin Mike was looking over the trade. He just couldn't understand why the hell you would trade half your team, including three of your best players, for a single guy. Especially when he already had a good quarterback that would now be sitting on his bench. Turtle knew exactly why. "The team needed a little shake up Mike, something to get them going. I needed to bring somebody new in." Mikey, as he normally does, gave a dumbfounded look back at Turtle. "Turtle," Mike began. "Your fantasy team doesn't have morale! They don't know you just made a trade for Drew Brees. Drew isn't suiting up before a game thinking, "let's do this one for Turtle, he just gave up a lot of players for me and I've got to prove I'm worth the deal. Jerricho Cotchery isn't sitting on your fantasy bench thinking, "it's OK guys, Drew is here we are all gonna be fine." It's fantasy football!"

Only time will tell if the move turned out to be the right one for Turtle. I sure hope it does, and if anyone can single-handedly turn your fantasy season around, it might be Drew Brees. But just remember kids, your fantasy team indeed does not have morale. At least as far as I know.

***Turtle's team is currently getting the %!@$ kicked out of them by 60 points by the team he made the trade with***